What now?

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"  Isaiah 6:8

Isaiah 6:8 has been one of my favorite verses and one that I have tried to live by. When people ask me what I want to do with my life, for the past several years, my response has been, "To be open and willing to go wherever the Lord sends me." I love mission work, plain and simple  Now the question comes, What do you consider mission work? (1) The first answer is also simple (Mk 16:15-18) "Jesus said go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation..." (2) Loving on people and letting them know they matter (3) Giving people hope (4) Helping people help themselves.

When I tell people about myself I get many mixed reactions. One of the most common is that there are many opportunities to help right here in the US and they are correct. And if the Lord calls me to stay here at home then I pray for His peace to be on that, however that is not what is in my heart. Then another reaction I get is, "Aren't you scared when you go to all those places?". Honestly no. I love to travel. Now here is where I get a lot of criticism, people seem to think that I'm on a continual vacation. I don't just randomly run around the world. When I go somewhere I put a lot of prayer into it and if I don't get a yes from God I don't go. When I'm going back and forth on whether or not I should go and the Lords peace isn't there then I take that as a no.

Almost six years ago I started this journey and I can assure you it has not turned out like I thought it would. By now I thought I would be working full time in a ministry in Haiti. Obviously things have not turned out like I planned. Then three years ago I applied with a ministry in Jamaica to work with them full time. After being accepted I came home to get things in order and start raising funds, that was when I fell and shattered my wrist. I spent 5 months in therapy getting use of my hand back. Shortly after that my uncle fell and broke his back and I became his full time caregiver for the next two years. Because of the situation being what it was I was able to care for him and looking back I would do it again and for the time that was my ministry.

Now here we are in 2016 and I'm feeling a little lost and asking "now what?". To update you on my current state: I spent the month of February driving around (literally) just seeking God. I spent time with friends in Florida and reconnected with some people that I had lost touch with over the years. I shared my heart and vision and my desire to work in foreign missions. I came back home to the news that my daughter is expecting her first child (a boy due in September) and my cousin that spent a good bit of her life in my home is also expecting (a girl due this month). After being home for a week I got a phone call that a friend of mine in Florida her husband was in the hospital and not doing well. I went back to Florida and ended up staying for a funeral. I came back home and started to get back in a routine of just everyday life and then I got another phone call, the friend who's husband passed away in March ask me if I could please come stay with her for a while. Once again not foreign missions but a type of ministry. I laid a fleece before the Lord, a very specific prayer, and He answered yes so I went. The original plan was that I would be there until September but as life goes things change and after 5 weeks it was time to move on.

That very same day a friend in mid Florida called me and told me about a great paying job in her area. I called to check it out and was hired immediately, it was simply the easiest job hire I've ever gotten. So I came to Merritt Island FL and started training. The job itself was good but it's one that pays by the case and not hourly. When I was hired on I was told that I would be sharing the workload with a lady that is already working here, she was not willing to share. Without giving a lot of complicated and boring details, I no longer have that job.

So where am I now? I'm still in Merritt Island. I'm staying with a friend that has 4 children (2 biological, 2 adopted from Haiti). Sadly her and her husband are in the process of getting a divorce so I'm helping with things around the house and with the kids. In a way, another form of ministry. However, I can't stay here indefinitely and honestly I don't know where that puts me. I see the news of all the chaos and terror in the world and it breaks my heart but it doesn't scare me and make me want to stay put. My heart and desire is still to go ... I can't explain it. Once again I'm on my face before the Lord asking, Where now? and if it's to go back home I need the peace in my heart to go.

I know this post has been a lot longer and different than anything I've posted before but I just wanted to share my heart with you.